My Prayer

On bended knee I come

praying, begging, yearning

asking for your spirit & power

to overwhelm my body

to the point that I cannot ignore it

I plead for a revival in my soul

that all I want to do every day is praise your name

without a desire for anything that doesn't please you

the strength to live every day to its fullest and for you alone

for my heart to yearn for you the way I want it to

and know it should

All I want is for my heart to be on fire for you

for these doubts to leave my mind

there to be no question in my soul if I am truly your follower and daughter

to make you my absolute Lord of my life

to be so far from lukewarm

the possibility never crosses my mind

and for there to be nothing between us

I fall on my face asking you to give me the ability and strength to trust you

to give you everything

especially what you are asking for now

My heart is torn but I know you are the better choice

I know I need to surrender my dreams, wants, and desires

and focus solely on you

I feel your tug on my heart

I want to listen to it with everything in me

with every fiber of my being

My one and only desire is to be devoted to you alone

to be able to sacrifice this and many other things to come

Yet why is it so hard

why can't I seem to give this up

and why do I seem to lack so much in my relationship with you

I have the desire, such deep desire

and yet

I am failing

I am falling short

I am not totally surrendering

I do not have this incredible passion in myself for you

Why Lord WHY!!!!

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

grant me the desire of my heart

which is to love you ALONE

not myself or someone else or a dream or a desire

BUT YOU ALONE!!!!

give me the desire that I crave

fill me with you

and give me the strength and wisdom to do your will

This is my prayer

What happened to us?

What happened to us?
in these pictures we look so happy
We were so happy
The sight of you made my stomach flip

Your voice melted my heart

Just being with you made the world a better place

What happened to us?

I hardly talk to you

If I am lucky enough to

its short and shallow

Somewhere along the way, I lost you

What happened to us?

This summer killed us

Why was I so stupid to let you go for so long

You are so adorable

so sweet

so perfect

What happened to us?

How much of it my fault

Should I blame myself

What should I do

My feelings are so confused

I don’t want to let you go

What happened to us?

I watch boys walk past me

I see you in them

My heart breaks

and I wish you could just surround me

What happened to us?

My stomach doesn’t flip the same way

I still think of you

but its not the same

And you don’t seem to care either

What happened to us?

I wonder what our future it

I wonder if this is finally it

I wish I knew exactly what to do

and what you are thinking

What happened to us?

Quote of the Day:

"Baby, what are we becoming

It feels just like we’re always running
Rolling through the motions everyday
I can lean in to hold you, or act like I don’t even know you
Seems like you could care less either way
What happened to that girl I used to know
I just want us back to the way we were before" Do I by Luke Bryan

Hurricane

I feel like a tree

in the middle of a hurricane

so out of control

being pushed and whipped around

rained on without end

nothing feels stable

nothing feels sure

disaster seems near

like the eye will never come

I feel like a swimmer

in an endless pool

with no where to go

my past hunting me

and unable to swim away from it

wishing to reach bigger and better things

but unable to move forward

only to stay where I am

no improvement, no change

as hard as I try

I can't get away

I feel like a baby

trying to learn to walk

but only falling

failing with every attempt

unable even to just take a step forward

without dropping to the floor

losing hope with every attempt

I know the eye will come

I know one day, the endless pool will open before me

and I will learn to walk

Jesus is the eye in the storm

God will lead me forward

and hold my hand, teaching me to walk

But that feels so far away

the blue sky & the light at the end

don't seem to be near

my faith is weak

my hope draining way

with every failure and hurricane

God I want to rely on you for my future

to not worry about tomorrow or even today

to wait on you and trust you

that one day, life will improve

Lord, strengthen me and give me hope in you

because I sit here, broken and struggling

to trust in the one who will never let me down

You are back

Summer is ending

half was spent in tears

the other is disappointment, anger, frustration, and confusion

I was missing my best friend

missing my other half

I was having to separate my heart from you

and make it cold just to stop the pain

I honestly thought you had moved on

and didn't think of me or miss me

I thought we didn't have a future

and that we would never be close again

I started out the summer trusting in God

knowing his plan was best and resting in his peace

yet my heart still longed for you

and as time pasted, I found myself trusting God less

my faith weakening and my spiritual walk lacking drastically

I lost sight of God's power and providence

I should have known better

I should have kept my trust in God

because he has brought my friend back to me

You never forgot about me

you missed me just as much as I missed you

and you hadn't moved on

Things may still be difficult

we still can't be together the way we want

miles separate us

and our lives do not line up yet

nor are they ready for an another person

which is frustrating because I am ready to be yours

I still don't know when God's time for us is

but I am just so glad to have you back in my life

I no longer feel like I am missing a part of me

Thank you Lord for bring my friend back to me

Dear friend

Dear friend,

I have lost a best friend

everyday that becomes more apparent to me

although I know God is working

and we are where he wants us

and that I have not always had happy feelings toward you

I still miss you

and love you

I knew I cared a lot about you

I knew that saying goodbye would be one of the hardest thing I have ever done

I knew we were really close

but I did not realize the extent that it became

I did not realize you were one of my best friends

and how far I had fallen for you

how much I loved you and cared about you

I hate the negative feelings I have for you

I want it to be alright

I want us to be friends

I miss talking to you

your humor

the way you made me feel better when my skies were gray

the way you hugged me

when I felt the world was against me

your encouragement

your amazing technical knowledge 

which astounded me every time (and saved my computer)

our times together, hanging out, doing nothing

but that was okay because we were together

and just being there when everyone else had walked away

but then again

I don't know if we can ever just be friends again 

and that hurts even more

losing your friendship

hurts more than losing your love 

I don't want you to hurt

I want you to be happy

let me be the one to hurt

yeah it sucks

and I don't like it

but I'd rather it be me than you

tears come to my eyes when I realize

how much you are hurting

how much you are struggling in life

and I hate it

all I did

as your close friend

was add to it

give you one more person you cannot confide in

one less person to go to on a crappy day

one less person to give you a hug and tell you it will all work out

one less person 

I hope you know

I will always love you

you left a dent :) 

and I hope one day (Lord willing)

you will be in my life again

dear friend

Quote of the Day:

"Time to go, this is goodbye she said,

Does it ever get easier to live like this?

And kiss the cheek, for I can't kiss you anymore

And I, I would honestly love you now,

But I would lovingly let you down...

Oh, I have the hardest time resisting you, and, oh, if you...

If you feel the same way,

Then how can we be friends?

He's right you know, we can't go on like this.
And oh I'd try to give you everything

And if I fail, well then I fail, but at least I gave you something"   -If I Fail by Cartel