This is My Plea

I am trying so hard

To focus on you oh Lord

to seek your will 

and do what is right

my heart longs for the path you have chosen for my life

I know that blessings will flow 

when I follow your lead

But oh God it is so hard

I know what I want

and I feel it inside me

but my soul is not sold

I am unsure of your plan

of your purpose or your will

I do not want to deviate 

yet I long for this

I see and hear of friends

who are so at peace and happy

your time for them has come 

and your blessings are flowing

Yet here I sit

wishing, hoping, dreaming

that my day may come soon

with your hand upon my life

obviously leading me on the right path

My heart longs for my will to aline with yours

what I want to be what you want

As I dream now, I can't imagine life 

changing from the way I hope it will be

it seems a foreign concept

I want this dream so bad

But that little voice inside of me

reminds me that doubt hovers close by

Because I lack the full confidence in what your will is

I know also that if your will differs from mine Lord

that it will bring me joy

even if I can't imagine it now

I know in time I will be grateful

even if now I wouldn't want to be

Lord no matter how I feel or what I want

I ask that your will be done

Lord act outside of me

So no doubt can remain

Work in ways that I cannot even fathom

in things that I cannot dream of

Lord I beg you to do this

I plead that you push me down the right path

So that my human mind cannot get in the way

I just want your will to be done Lord

that is all I ask 

all that I beg for

This is my plea!

Quote of the Day:

"Never said there wouldn't be trials. Never said I wouldn't fall. Never said that everything would go the way I want it to go. But when my back is against the wall and I feel all hope is gone, I'll just lift my head up to the sky and say help me to be strong. I just can't give up now. I've come too far from where I started from. Nobody told me the road would be easy and I don't believe he brought me this dar to leave me."  Can't Give Up Now by Mary Mary

Break my Heart

Lord I want to feel close again to you

I know that I am the one that walked away

I do not know how or when 

but I know it happens slowly 

and I have found myself away from you

I want to be consumed in your love

to worship you with all I do

to focus on your grace, love, and your works

I want you to be my focus, not life as it goes on

I want to live life to the fullest 

to praise you all of my days

Not let my actions go without them being for your glory

Yet oh Lord

I struggle

Life is busy

Life is confusing

and I am praying to you

yet I feel disconnected

is it because I am not fully relying on you 

to get me through my day anymore?

is it because I no longer need you to smile?

Lord whatever it may be

bring me to my knees

Lord I want to worship you, to be on fire

to feel your presence again

to trust you with my every day again

Break my heart and bring me to your feet

Quote of the Day:

"Break my heart for what breaks yours" -Hosanna by Hillsong

Desert Song by Hillsong

Despite Myself

Here I am again

Tears ready to flow 

with thoughts of how dark our future looks

My heart breaking - My mood spiraling down

And its not because of something you or I did

No, our paths just don't seem to line up

It hurts knowing how much I care about you

and you care about me

I try to find ways to get mad at you

Taking the littlest things, trying to make them into big deals

Imagine situations that would make me angry with you

I don't care if it's false anger or justified 

I just want to be angry

And not hurt anymore

To be mad enough so I can say goodbye

But every time I try

Yeah I get angry for a little while

though it never lasts

I find myself hurting just as much as before

if not more

Missing you and wishing I was back in your arms

where nothing bad ever seemed to touch me

or wishing I was with you despite my anger

The anger isn't enough

its not strong enough

My heart breaks anyway

I miss you despite myself 

Quote of the Day:

"I wanna love like Johnny and June. Rings of fire burnin' with you. I wanna walk the line, walk the line Till the end of time. I wanna love, love ya that much. Cash it all in, give it all up. And when you're gone I wanna go too Like Johnny and June."

Choice

I know I shouldn't be frustrated

I know that I should take what I get 

and leave the rest alone

But I am frustrated

I am annoyed

I just wish some people would make up their minds

I wish they would consider others before themselves

I get it

nothing will be the same

and I am ok with that

I don't expect things to be like they were

but I do expect respect, kindness

and consideration for my feelings 

Don't ignore me

Don't walk away without saying goodbye

or without saying anything at all

I did nothing to you

nothing to make you mad

or to give you reason to treat me like that

make up your mind

Are you going to be nice, friendly, and civil

or are you just going to be a jerk

Don't see-saw between the two

Don't mess with my feelings, trust,

or my heart

You have already broken all three once

Don't push your luck again

You have to decide

Do you want me in your life

or not

Honestly right now, I could careless

in or out, but make a decision

Don't tell me you miss me and you want to see me

then in the next breath

change your attitude to one of apathy 

and not even have the courtesy to say goodbye 

I am sick of it

And I want you to know

Just how it hurts

Decide now 

Or I will make the choice for you

and you may not like it

I AM a princess

and I want to be treated like one

Our future does not determine how you treat me

Those two are complete opposites 

So here is your choice

Friendship where you treat me 

like a friend 

or nothing, nothing at all

Quote of the Day:

"There will be a day with NO MORE TEARS, NO MORE PAIN, and NO MORE FEARS."

Just Dreams

My heart is breaking again

I thought this feeling was gone 

the feeling of losing you 

the hurt and pain that comes with that

But I find out how much you still care 

how much you still like me and wish things could work

my excitement and hope grows

I find myself dreaming again

wondering when we could try again

Then I am slapped back into reality

and the pain comes flooding back

As much as we want to make it work

our beliefs just don't seem to match

Although we have it worked out now

who knows what the future will hold

will we find some thing else we disagree about 

can we handle that

therefore we find ourselves 

loving someone we can't have

and wishing we could control the future 

wishing God would cross our paths again

But they are only hopes

just dreams

Quote of the Day:

"Sunshine cannot bleach the snow, Nor time unmake what poets know."