Have you ever been angry with God? It is the strangest feeling I have ever experienced. I have had a lot of junk happen in my life but up until recently I can't say I have ever been actually mad with God. Weirdly enough, it wasn't even the worst thing to happen to me either. However, I definitely felt upset, frustrated, and was angry enough that I kept my distance from him for awhile.
I had spend a lot of time waiting on God to answer some prayers about my fall semester. I thought he had finally given the final answer back in February but during finals week, I discovered otherwise. Needless to say, I didn't take the change well. It was super frustrating and I couldn't see past the hurt. I knew God would work it out but I didn't care at that point. I was angry that he had put me through all that just to make it fall apart again. I didn't understand why he put it together to make it fall apart again or why he couldn't have just answered once and done.
During this time, I started reading The Shack and it really helped me refocus and defused my anger towards God or Papa. If you have never read that book...it is a must read. It really helped me focus on the relationship and how much he cares. I am grateful for that book and God's patience with me. Oh and I am so glad I am over it. It was an awful feeling.
I can't say I have some great wisdom about how to deal with your anger towards God. But what I do know is that you can't give up. Continue reading God's word, seeking support from Godly friends, and pray even if it is angry tears. God just wants to hear from you. He doesn't mind your tears. He would rather you cry to him in anger then walk away. And this next piece is normally something you do not want to hear while you are upset. I know I didn't. Regardless, just remember this during those times: God always does have a better plan. Sometimes, certain things have to come together and fall apart for better things to happen. I always knew this but never really experienced it until now. If my fall plans hadn't fall apart, I would have never been able to get a better placement. One I had been hoping and wishing for since my sophomore year. I had found the positive in my first placement cause I thought that was it but now, I am so excited to be working with a good friend and a good teacher. I am lucky and blessed and now I understand what God was doing. Yeah it hurt but it was necessary and I am thankful in the long run.
Keep your head up! Push through it! God will show you his vision eventually.
-Amber
