Babies

Have you ever held a newborn and I mean within hours of being born. Many of you would probably say yes or within days I am sure. But have you ever walked the labor process with someone. By that I don't mean being there when they actually give birth (cause if you are anything like me, you hope the only time you experience that is when it is your own cause otherwise you may faint haha!). I mean - hold their hand while they have contractions? Heard the baby's heartbeat right before they are born? Sat there while the doctors discussed things? Heard and saw the baby kick the monitor so hard that mom's body shakes and the monitor lets out the most ear piercing sound? I can't imagine an experience bringing you closer to God other than when you actually give birth yourself. You find yourself praying without ceasing. You are incredibly anxious and sleep is next to impossible until your body can't function anymore. One moment that tiny little body is inside the mom and the next, you are holding it. And if that birth contained any type of complication then you are even more grateful and amazed to hold that tiny little body.

Until recently, I had never been so involved in the process, so close. I had seen women pregnant and then seen the baby but never within hours of each other. To look at that little body and realize it had been inside my best friend for the last 9 months and now I was holding him still boggles my mind. He is purely a gift of God. I can't even imagine what it is like to be the mom holding your little boy or girl after birth. If it boggles me so much now and I am only an "aunt," I am going to be seriously having issues realizing that I am a mom one day. But I now am beginning to understand why people say you understand God so much more once you are a parent.

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalm 139:13-14


God is in every birth. We may not always understand the bad that happens or why it doesn't go the way we had wanted but our "frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth" (Psalm 139:15). Maybe I am being extra sensitive because I have been working on signing the song Held by Natalie Grant yet I have a "nephew" to be oh so thankful for. I am so glad God saw fit for that little man to enter the world fairly easily and healthy but I know not everyone is as lucky.

So take the time to say a prayer of thanks for any little ones you know who recently entered the world but also take a second to pray for the families who are either struggling to have a baby or who have lost a baby shortly after birth. I have walked with some who have experienced that and it's one of the hardest roads anyone could ever walk along.

A Grateful and SUPER Proud Aunt,
-Me

Grateful

It might not be December 19th yet...but I am basically done. I can see the light. I know I survived and I am so grateful. I am grateful to God. I am grateful to family and friends. I am grateful to the Koen family. I am grateful to Grace Church and the college group there who welcomed me with open arms. I am grateful to a few in the education dept. who didn't give up. I am grateful for the prayers. I am grateful to SCHS and the administration who were supportive.

Yeah I miss a few things about GWU but honestly, I am ready to say "PEACE OUT!" It was great but now that time is over. I am beyond done.

As Ashley said today, while throwing out ideas for my cap, "Swagger Out!" (inside jokes with my students)

Such Great Heights

I wish I had some major life light bulb moment or even just something exciting to share. Don't get me wrong, conquering this semester will be something to celebrate but that is not what is on my heart tonight. Tonight, I don't have some great wisdom or awesome God moment to share. All I have is a song haunting me from a time that I was very fragile. And that song takes me back to that fragile place. A place that God has brought me far from over the last few years. Looking back over the last 3 or 4 years, I am a very different person. So much happened. And this song is only a piece of that puzzle but it transports be right back. I feel every mixed emotion. Every piece of my heart that broke. Every piece of my self-esteem that I built up, broke down, and rebuilt again. Every tear, every smile, every angry word. I feel every lonely feeling and every loved feeling at the same time. I hear that voice and I hear my internal, very sensitive and weak voice.

I am amazed at how quickly and easily all that comes rushing back. Things that should just be a memory, feel as real as they did during that time. I don't understand that. Just proves how amazing our minds are. How all those connections are made and how easily they can be recalled. One simple tune...I hadn't even heard the words yet and all those emotions and thoughts came rushing back. And with every note and every lyric, another thought or emotion came rushing back. Oh so quickly.

But that makes me wonder. If a song can cause such a reaction in me to something of this world. A very imperfect, difficult and, eventually, a very unloving situation, why do I not have the same reaction to things that remind me of God. My heavenly, PERFECT, always loving, awesome Father? I have seen God over and over in my life and even in that situation I just described. I do not lack memories but I lack the focus on them. I haven't made those paths in my mind. I think on what God has done occasionally but my mind is more consumed with worldly things and happenings. That breaks my heart.  Yes, that song will always probably cause some reaction inside of me because of how much of myself I invested in that time period but more of my life should cause an emotional reaction to what God has done and is doing. More of my everyday life should cause me to stop and ponder God. More things should cause God to just run through my mind. That is being in love right? Can't get them off your mind. Everything reminds you of them. Love that pushes you into action. Your focus and motivation for everything. Yep...that is more of what I want. More of that, "Can't get him off my mind." God, I want you to be that lingering thought in my mind all day, every day.


-Amber

**Song referenced...."Such Great Heights" by Iron and Wine**

I don't have much to say. Most of my life revolves around school and trying to learn how to love some kids who just frustrate the snot out of me some days.

However, I heard this song several times this weekend and feel like it just summarizes me so well some days. My prayer is that God keeps opening me up, keeps teaching me, and keeps pulling me farther into him. I do not want to stay the way this song describes. I may never fully understand but I don't ever want to be comfortable where I am either. Maybe you understand and maybe you need this song too.


"What do I know of Holy"  -Addison Road

I made You promises a thousand times
I tried to hear from Heaven
But I talked the whole time
I think I made You too small
I never feared You at all No
If You touched my face would I know You?
Looked into my eyes could I behold You?

(CHORUS)
What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

I guess I thought that I had figured You out
I knew all the stories and I learned to talk about
How You were mighty to save
Those were only empty words on a page
Then I caught a glimpse of who You might be
The slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees

(CHORUS)
What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

(CHORUS 2)
What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of wounds that will heal my shame?
And a God who gave life "its" name?
What do I know of Holy?
Of the One who the angels praise?
All creation knows Your name
On earth and heaven above
What do I know of this love?

(CHORUS)
What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of Holy?

Compassion

I have never really considered myself super compassion nor do I think I am not compassionate at all. I feel like I have a middle of the road approach to compassion. Of course, certain situations call for more compassion and some days I wish I had more. But my heart just isn't quite that soft all the time. I get hurt easy and have learned how to protect my heart, so to speak. It isn't always a blessing, sometimes it is a curse. Right now, I wish I had more compassion. Without giving too much away, cause I have to be careful what I say about my current "job" situation, there are definitely challenging people I see every day. I could quickly become very irritated and frustrated if I do not keep myself in check. It breaks my heart that I get so annoyed. I want to love these people. I want them to grow and learn. I want to help them but it is hard to help someone who does not help themselves. It is hard to respect someone who does not respect you back or respect themselves. It's a challenging that I am still struggling with and probably will the rest of my life.

However, after an especially hard day, I was reading Crazy Love by Francis Chan. Let me tell you something first. This book is taking forever. I find myself reading the same thing three nights in a row. It is challenging me that much. Anyway, I was reading about lukewarm people and the one way Chan described a lukewarm person was that they only love people who love them back. At that moment I realized that despite myself, despite how those around me treat me, I MUST love them. I must find the strength in me to love them and control myself. And although the next day was still a bit challenging, overall, it was a much better day when I walked into each situation with the mind set to love them and just let what will be, be.

If you find yourself in a similar situation. Reflect back on Christ and our command to love our neighbor, not just our friends. I promise you will see a change in your attitude and how much better you feel after it is over.