Such Great Heights

I wish I had some major life light bulb moment or even just something exciting to share. Don't get me wrong, conquering this semester will be something to celebrate but that is not what is on my heart tonight. Tonight, I don't have some great wisdom or awesome God moment to share. All I have is a song haunting me from a time that I was very fragile. And that song takes me back to that fragile place. A place that God has brought me far from over the last few years. Looking back over the last 3 or 4 years, I am a very different person. So much happened. And this song is only a piece of that puzzle but it transports be right back. I feel every mixed emotion. Every piece of my heart that broke. Every piece of my self-esteem that I built up, broke down, and rebuilt again. Every tear, every smile, every angry word. I feel every lonely feeling and every loved feeling at the same time. I hear that voice and I hear my internal, very sensitive and weak voice.

I am amazed at how quickly and easily all that comes rushing back. Things that should just be a memory, feel as real as they did during that time. I don't understand that. Just proves how amazing our minds are. How all those connections are made and how easily they can be recalled. One simple tune...I hadn't even heard the words yet and all those emotions and thoughts came rushing back. And with every note and every lyric, another thought or emotion came rushing back. Oh so quickly.

But that makes me wonder. If a song can cause such a reaction in me to something of this world. A very imperfect, difficult and, eventually, a very unloving situation, why do I not have the same reaction to things that remind me of God. My heavenly, PERFECT, always loving, awesome Father? I have seen God over and over in my life and even in that situation I just described. I do not lack memories but I lack the focus on them. I haven't made those paths in my mind. I think on what God has done occasionally but my mind is more consumed with worldly things and happenings. That breaks my heart.  Yes, that song will always probably cause some reaction inside of me because of how much of myself I invested in that time period but more of my life should cause an emotional reaction to what God has done and is doing. More of my everyday life should cause me to stop and ponder God. More things should cause God to just run through my mind. That is being in love right? Can't get them off your mind. Everything reminds you of them. Love that pushes you into action. Your focus and motivation for everything. Yep...that is more of what I want. More of that, "Can't get him off my mind." God, I want you to be that lingering thought in my mind all day, every day.


-Amber

**Song referenced...."Such Great Heights" by Iron and Wine**